Focus:
On trusting the journey completely, surrendering and awareness of our finite understanding.
Repetition:
I see the beauty in suffering, I welcome difficult parts of this journey and know they are for the greater good.
Trauma Work and Co-Regulation
This week we will dive more into trauma work. Please remember that just because “my life has been pretty good” does not mean you will not benefit from this work. We all have suffered and a lot of it comes from low resilience, which we have discussed in prior weeks.
This will be a gentle guide to understanding and practising co-regulation, which is one of the most important and transformative tools in inner child healing and trauma recovery.
Many of us learned to survive by shutting down, disconnecting from our bodies, or handling everything alone. If you grew up without consistent emotional support, your nervous system may never have learned how to feel safe while experiencing big feelings such as fear, anger, sadness, shame, or grief. Co-regulation is how we teach our inner child, and our body, that it is safe now. It is how we rewire our system for connection, trust, and ease, one compassionate moment at a time.
Community and Isolation
We live in a very isolated way as modern humans and we want to learn to fill in those gaps to support our bodies as they need to be supported. Please do consider joining classes, creating a weekly get together in your home or church, or spending time in any way you enjoy with other humans. There are support groups of every kind, free classes, play dates and more. You were not meant to do life alone and it truly does affect our holistic health.
Normalise sharing your home. Single mamas could benefit greatly from sharing homes and the gift of rearing children together. Talk to other like minded folks and see if you or someone else can host a weekly potluck, dance lessons, book club, study group, homestead classes or projects, and so on. If you find the thought of this exhausting, you need time to heal yet before adding this in. Please join a weekly Zoom community to have voices, encouragement, eye contact and togetherness.
What Co-Regulation Is
Co-regulation is the process by which two nervous systems communicate safety, calm, and balance to one another. It is how babies learn to self-soothe when they are held by a loving caregiver, and how adults find calm in the presence of someone grounded and safe.
In trauma healing, co-regulation is not just about calming down. It is about experiencing safety in connection, which is something many of us missed in childhood. Over time, repeated experiences of co-regulation allow the body and the inner child to trust that it is safe to feel, to express, and to connect.
When our younger selves were left to manage overwhelming feelings alone, those parts often got stuck in time. As adults we may overreact or shut down in conflict, feel intense emotions we cannot explain, struggle with intimacy or trust, avoid vulnerability, or feel unsafe even when nothing is wrong. These patterns are not flaws, they are the body’s memory of dysregulation.
Through co-regulation we gently teach our inner child what was missing, that you are not alone anymore and I am here with you.
Three Layers of Co-Regulation
There are three layers to this work.
The first is external co-regulation, which is being with another regulated, present person who helps your system calm down, whether that is a practitioner, a trusted friend, a partner, or a support group.
The second is internalized co-regulation, which is learning to offer yourself the same presence and care a safe adult would, and this is the heart of inner child work.
The third is somatic co-regulation, which is using the body, the breath, touch, movement and voice, to communicate safety to your nervous system, just as a caregiver might rock, hum, or hold a child.
Below are gentle practices you can use over and over. Think of them as conversations with your younger self, no fixing and no forcing, only presence and love.
Creating a Safe Inner Space
This one prepares your body and your inner child to feel safe before any deeper emotional work, and it takes five to ten minutes.
Find a quiet, comfortable space where you will not be disturbed. Sit or lie down and place one hand on your heart and one on your belly. Take three slow breaths, and as you exhale, imagine tension melting from your body. Silently say to yourself, “This is a space of safety. All parts of me are welcome here.” Notice any sensations, warmth, tingling, resistance, and allow them to exist without judgment. If you feel comfortable, visualise a warm, protective light surrounding you, and imagine your inner child being invited into that light.
If it is hard to feel safe, that is okay. Safety is built slowly and even ten percent comfort is enough to begin.
Meeting Your Inner Child
This is where you reconnect and offer co-regulation to the younger part of you, and it takes ten to fifteen minutes.
In your safe space, gently bring to mind a younger version of yourself, any age that arises naturally. Notice how they look, how they feel, and how they behave. Are they scared, angry, lonely? Approach them with curiosity and warmth. Imagine kneeling down to their level and saying, “I see you. I am here now. You do not have to go through this alone.” Breathe slowly and imagine your calm breath enveloping them. If they want a hug, offer one, and if they want space, sit nearby. Stay with them for a few minutes.
You are not trying to change their feelings, only to be a safe presence. This is co-regulation, two parts of you, the adult and the child, staying present together until safety is felt.
Somatic Soothing
This one uses your body to communicate safety when emotions feel overwhelming, and it takes five to ten minutes.
When you feel an intense emotion, pause before trying to think your way through it. You may rock gently back and forth, the way you would comfort a child. You may hum or sing softly, focusing on the vibration in your chest. You may wrap yourself in a blanket and hold your heart with both hands. As you do, repeat a calming phrase such as, “It is safe to feel. I am here with you.” Notice how your body responds. Even small shifts, slower breathing or softening muscles, mean your nervous system is co-regulating.
Receiving Co-Regulation From Others
This one is an ongoing practice and it builds trust and rewires attachment patterns.
Identify one or two people who feel safe and supportive to you. When difficult feelings arise, try reaching out instead of withdrawing. Say something simple and vulnerable, such as, “I am feeling overwhelmed. Could you sit with me for a minute?” or, “I do not need advice, just a calm presence.” Notice how your body feels when someone shows up for you. Over time this builds internal trust and safety.
Reflection Prompts
Use these journaling prompts after practising co-regulation.
- What feelings came up when I tried to soothe my inner child?
- Was it hard to stay present with them, and if so, why?
- How did my body respond to touch, breath, or gentle words?
- What did my inner child need most from me today?
- What does “safety” feel like in my body?
Healing trauma is not about erasing the past, it is about teaching the parts of you that were once alone that they are safe, seen, and supported now. Co-regulation is how that teaching happens. Each time you practise, you are rewiring your nervous system, building trust within yourself, and creating a home inside your body where all parts of you can belong.
Go gently. This work is powerful but subtle. Even moments of connection, a breath, a kind word, a hand on your heart, are signs of deep healing in motion.
The Feldenkrais Method
The Feldenkrais Method was developed by Moshe Feldenkrais, a scientist and engineer who devoted his life to exploring how people learn to move. After a knee injury, he discovered that change did not come from effort or force, but from awareness. By paying attention to how we move, he found that the nervous system could reorganize itself, creating new pathways that allow us to move with ease, grace, and less pain.
What follows is a gentle guide for anyone who wishes to explore this method on their own. It is not about achieving a goal or performing an exercise correctly. It is about curiosity, discovery, and reawakening the body’s natural intelligence. There is no right or wrong here, only exploration. Your body is your teacher and awareness is the lesson.
There is no schedule you must follow. You may work with one exploration for a few days, or return to the same one many times and notice how it changes. Each time you practise, you are not repeating but deepening. Go slowly and use less effort than you think you need. Pause often, because rest is part of the learning. Always listen to your body. If something feels uncomfortable, make the movement smaller or imagine it instead, as the nervous system learns just as deeply from imagination as from physical action.
Before you begin, create a quiet space where you feel safe and supported. You may wish to have a soft mat or blanket on the floor. It is helpful to close your eyes or soften your gaze to bring more attention inward.
Exploration One, The Pelvic Clock
Lie on your back with your knees bent and your feet resting flat on the floor. Imagine a clock face beneath your pelvis, twelve o’clock toward your head, six o’clock toward your feet, three and nine to either side. Gently tilt your pelvis toward twelve, allowing your lower back to lengthen against the floor. Then tip toward six, letting a small arch form. Explore tipping gently toward three and nine. There is no rush, and over time you can trace a soft, slow circle around the entire clock face.
Reflection prompts:
- What did I notice about the quality of my movement?
- Were some directions easier than others?
- How did my breath change during the practice?
- After resting, how does my lower back feel against the floor?
Exploration Two, Rolling the Head
Lying on your back, allow your head to roll gently from side to side. Move slowly, with as little effort as possible. Notice the movement of your jaw, your eyes, and your shoulders, and whether they join the motion or resist it. Try letting your eyes lead the motion before the head follows. Then try the opposite and let the head move while the eyes remain still. These small variations give the nervous system new information.
Reflection prompts:
- What sensations arose in my neck, jaw, or shoulders?
- Did the movement become easier or smoother as I continued?
- How did the rest of my body respond when my head moved?
Exploration Three, Gentle Side Reach
Lie on your side with your knees bent and your head supported. Extend your top arm forward at shoulder height and slowly reach it forward. Instead of moving only your arm, allow your ribs, spine, and shoulder to join the movement, then return gently. Try reaching in slightly different directions, upward, downward, diagonally. Notice how your torso participates and how the quality of effort changes.
Reflection prompts:
- What parts of my body joined in this movement naturally?
- What happened to my breathing as I reached?
- Do I feel a difference between my two sides afterward?
Exploration Four, Soft Spinal Twist
Lying on your back with your knees bent, let both knees gently fall to one side. Keep your shoulders relaxed. Slowly return them to centre and allow them to tip to the other side. Notice how your ribs and your breath respond. Experiment with turning your head in the same direction as your knees, and then in the opposite direction. Rest and observe how your back feels afterward.
Reflection prompts:
- What did I discover about the way my spine moves?
- How did my breath change as I twisted?
- How does the contact between my body and the floor feel after this practice?
Integration
The pauses you take during and after these explorations are not empty. They are when your nervous system integrates what it has learned. After resting, notice if something has shifted. Perhaps your breathing feels easier, your contact with the floor more even, or your posture softer. These are signs that change is occurring on a deep level, often beneath conscious awareness.
This work is not meant to be completed once and set aside. It is a companion you can return to over time. Each exploration will feel different on a different day. Some days the movements will feel smooth and fluid and other days they may feel clumsy or unfamiliar, and all of it is part of the process.
If you wish to go deeper, revisit the same exploration weekly and write new reflections. Over weeks or months, you may notice changes not only in how you move but in how you inhabit your body. Everyday actions like walking, reaching, or breathing may begin to feel lighter, more coordinated, and more natural.
The Feldenkrais Method is a practice of awareness, not effort. It invites you to listen to the wisdom of your body and to trust its ability to change. As you explore gently and patiently, you may discover that movement becomes easier, posture becomes more fluid, and a sense of safety begins to grow within you. This is the gift of awareness, the possibility of new patterns, new choices, and a more graceful way of being in your body.
Praying Across Time
In 1949, Padre Pio was conversing with a doctor who was very close to him. During their discussion, Padre Pio mentioned, “Maybe you don’t know that even now I can pray for the happy death of my great-grandfather!” The doctor, surprised, remarked, “But he died over a hundred years ago!” Padre Pio responded, “For the Lord, the past doesn’t exist; the future doesn’t exist. Everything is an eternal present. Those prayers had already been taken into account. And so I repeat that even now I can pray for the happy death of my great-grandfather.”
This story reflects Padre Pio’s profound understanding of the eternal nature of God’s presence and the timeless power of prayer. He believed that, in God’s eyes, time is not linear, and so prayers offered in the present can transcend time to benefit souls, regardless of when they lived. This is the Catholic teaching on the communion of saints and the efficacy of intercessory prayer. His devotion to praying for the souls of the departed, including his own ancestors, shows his deep spiritual commitment and his belief in the interconnectedness of all believers, both living and deceased.
What we pray for now can be applied to what we understand as the past or the future, and this includes our past selves. We are taught not to be encompassed by shame or guilt, fear, regret, anger, and to be free of the events of the past that may lead to disordered emotions affecting our lives as we live them. We cannot be of service, loving God and others, if we are focused on our suffering at all times. We have ways that we can be free of these weights and burdens.
Working With Resistance
Please make note of anything you are still resistant to releasing and write it down. You do not have to begin to work on it yet, but instead listen to it for now. Read aloud every day what it is, with compassion and curiosity. “I am feeling resistance to having a consistent wake time.” Then begin to ask why you may feel that way and write everything that comes to you, for a few weeks if need be. After you feel you have found why the resistance is there, thank it for doing its job and trying to protect you, and say gently, “I know you are here to do a job and I am grateful. For my betterment and for my health, I will set a date to begin and be consistent with this practice.”
Remember that showing up for yourself consistently creates a healing environment for trust to return and changes your outlook on life!
You are an amazing human for showing up, doing the work and changing the world, one microbe, one loving thought, one action at a time.